Feeling Blue

before i launched into rambling about how unfair this world has been, tot i would like to share some photos with you all. maybe to sweeten or beautfied things that are about to follow.

i been having this thought for a long time, how much more can i take all these. looking after kids, catering to their needs, teaching them, running the house, working etc. yeah i know, don't all mothers also do the same? sometimes i just feel like i am alone, braving and facing all these.

i am forever running, running errands, running around kids, running to finish the housework, running to finish work. just running and running and running out of time sometimes. non-stop running. and now i am starting to feel that all these running around is really making me physical very very tired. i want to stop but can't.

no point in talking about how a typical day for me is like. the thing that really sets me off is having to manage kids (dom now) after working through the nite. mentally and physically exhausted, coming home to coach him and deal with house. thoughts of revision and what is lacking in the house pantry fill my mind, thoughts of cooking lunch and dinner fill my mind, thoughts of what the kids will be needing or doing in the following week fill my mind etc.

when i coach kids, they dun pay attention. that is probably the final straw. i am not aiming them to be scholars but there isn't time and manpower to teach them. take bry, i only have after dinner (10-15mins) to coach him some simple language and maths. he is in childcare all day and when dom is back, i need to make sure he doesn't distrub dom or i have something else to do. as for dom, there is only the morning 1.5hrs to teach him the spelling and finish up any homework (not completed  before he sleep, he in school from 12-6.30pm), and revision.

can you blame me for being short tempered sometimes? or for that matter, having a headache, which i suffer from time to time? yeah maybe i am not healthy blab blab, but i just feel crushed by the sheer amount of things. the best thing is that somebody dared to point out that old ppl (grandparents generation or older) say headaches are caused by not drying one's hair thoroughly before sleeping.

hey hey hey hey! you know what i think? i think headaches are caused by having to juggle so many balls while running out of time. and if you dun have headaches, well good for you and it also shows that you are either brainless, simple minded or have little cares/things to worry about.

spend a morning in my shoes then talk. you wouldn't even last 1hour. cos you are nothing but a man-made problem, a man making problems for other ppl.